The Deaths of Cruel Joe Green

Some are pleasant. Some are nice.
And some are simply mean.
But all agreed that fire and ice
Should rub out old Joe Green
And chief among them all was God
Which Joe Green thought so very odd.
Cruel, cruel Joe Green

After the first death there is no other.
“Except for Joe,” sneered God’s great mother
“He shall die nineteen”.
Cruel, cruel Joe Green .

First he died in Arizona.
He did not stop singing “My Shirona.”
Squashed quite flat on the macadam.
He thought “I guess that’s that.”
Then a cat pissed at him.
Cruel, cruel Joe Green.

Then God put him on a log
And ordered him to do the frog.
Joe smiled and said “I guess I’m willin’
This all reminds me of Bob Dylan.”
And before he sank into the bog
He was pissed on by a yellow dog.
Cruel, cruel Joe Green.

Then God made Joe read Silliman, Ron.
Then insisted that he cry “Tres bon”
Mean Joe died in a little while.
Done to death by Ron’s prose style.
Cruel, cruel Joe Green.

And on mean Joe Ron micturated.
And declared him somewhat dated.
Cruel, cruel Joe Green.

Then God took Joe by the behind.
And filled his ass with turpentine.
“I’m waiting for the rainbow sign!”
Cried cruel, cruel Joe Green.

The God threw Joe down to Guantanamo.
But all Joe did was cry “Geronimo!”
As he was waterboarded by a hippopotamo.
Cruel, cruel Joe Green.

The God chased Joe throughout the universe.
“Fuck off,” cried Joe feeling somewhat terse.
Joe ended up on the planet Jupiter.
Which is bigger than Earth but somewhat stupider.
“Shows God,” Joe said, “just how crass he is
This place is cold and too goddamn gaseous.”
Cruel, cruel Joe Green.

Then God caught Joe Green reading Shelley
And put a weasel in his belly.
Joe died but he could hardly tell he
Was having fun just reading Shelley.
Cruel, cruel Joe Green.

The God sent down a plague of nitwits
Liars, tyrants and religious hypocrites.
Joe told them “I’m with the “I don’t give a shits.”
About your bullshit you damn hypocrites.”
Which made them all just keep on killing.
Thing is, they were always willing.
They see themselves. There are no others.
There are no fathers and no mothers.
Their’s is a universe of one.
Which was sad and no damn fun.
For cruel, cruel Joe Green.

How many times now has God killed Joe?
Eleven more deaths Joe has to go.
And so he died. There were 19
Horrible deaths for cruel Joe Green.

“Dear God, said Joe, “19 seems plenty.
But I’ll’ bet you can’t go for twenty.”
“Oh, yeah,” said God “Here try some cancer.”
But Joe kept singing “Tiny dancer.”

Cruel, cruel Joe Green.