The Iliad of Joe Green

I beat up the Gamashay twins
It was back in 61.
My friend Johnny said to me
Do you know what you’ve done?
Do you know what you’ve done, Joe?
Do you know what you’ve done?

I looked up to my friend John.
Looked up from my book.
My book was the Iliad.
I gave a John a dirty look.
There’s no balm in Giliad.
For those moronic twins.
I caught the bastards going out.
And caught them going in.

It was my left hook, John.
It was my left hook.

Did you forget their cousin Frank?
Johnny said to me.
He’s built just like an M1 tank.
And he’s back in town you see
He’s 16 and he’s damn insane
He already has a beard.
He’ll take you like a freight train.
Plus he’s really weird.

I looked at John.
Put down my book.
I’m sure my eyes did narrow.
Then I gave John a frightened look
Thought of the falling of the sparrow.
Tell me John, say it ain’t true.
Their cousin from Wilkes Barre?.
Their cousin from Wilkes Barre?.

Yes, that’s who I mean, Joe.Y
es, that’s who I mean.

I ran back into my room.
Stayed there for a week.
I read and read the Iliad
But I was somewhat meek.
I tried to think just what to do.
And concluded I would run.
Living in Honolu -lu -lu.
Might be rather fun.

But the best and well laid lams
Often go astray.
My mother she did come to me
At the dawning of the day.I
t’s a perfectly nice day outside.
I want you to go out.
I'm taking your library card.
Go ahead and pout.

Go ahead and pout Joe, go ahead and pout.
I knew then my doom had come.
So I snuck out outside.
Look here the bastard is
The Gamashay twins cried!
And there like some damn dinosaur.
Stood their cousin Frank.
He was taller that he was before.
Still built like an M1 tank.
Lord!Still built like an M1 tank.

Come here, you little shithouse rat.
Cousin Frank did cry.
And I saw just where my doom was at
And knew that I would die.

But than I thought ‘If all is lost,
To Hell with all these willies."
I would pay a terrible cost.
But I’d take it like Achilles.

And so I sneered at Cousin Frank
And started spouting Greek.
The first lines of the Iliad.
I prayed my soul to keep.

I almost got up to that part
The great part in Line Nine.
When I heard Line 10 In Homeric Greek
And the voice it wasn’t mine.
The voice it wasn’t mine.

I stopped and stood in wonder.
Seeing what I saw.
There was a clap of thunder.
Oh, the Gods exclaimed in awe.

It was Cousin Frank reciting.
Homer’s immortal verse.
He was weak on the pluperfect.
But, by God, I had heard worse.
Weak on the pluperfect.
But, by God, I had heard worse.

And Frank and I smiled one to one.
And left the rest behind.
Two youths in a steel mill town
Loving the life of the mind.

We fell into discussion
Of Homer’s metaphors
And just what Herodotus said
Of all those damn Greek wars.

Frank and I strode out rightthen.
From that steel mill town.
I mean this metaphorically.
You better write it down.

I went on to a wild, wild youth.
Frank stayed on the straight and narrow.
And in three years led the Classics Club.
At the University of Wilkes Barre.

Some come all of ye strange young lads
Who love the classics well.
But despair of ever leaving
The awful Steel mill hell.

Pay heed to this fine story.
And know you might be free.
Leaving the steel mills behind
For the wine-dark sea!